Journal Entry 55: God Did This to Me

Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.

Journal Entry 55: God Did This to Me.

          You and I are not some random chance thrown like some insane dice role on a cosmic board game. Though the world is trying to lean us into thinking we evolved from nothing and became what we are today, it’s just not true. God designed each of us, and there is some comfort in that and there’s something scary about that too. I was created by God’s hands, to be born in this age. I have bad eyesight and some form of color-blindness. My parents were the one’s chosen to inherit me as their blessing from God, and yet that home God put me in was broken. The beautiful and scary part of these facts is that there is a being not only capable but willing to hold purpose over our lives.

          The truly amazing part about there being an all-powerful God that can do as he wishes is that he’s good. God loves us, and he desires good for us. I heard this so many times in my life. But when you go to ask why I was born almost blind, I get one answer. God’s will. At first, I found that answer annoying, a pass on anything deeper. Then I found the answer frustrating, because how is me being born with bad sight good?

I like playing sports, even better with friends, and I love martial arts. Guess how well those things tie into a kid/adult with glasses. (Contacts weren't a thing when I was young, and when they did show up they weren't powerful enough to fix my vision.) To be a soldier, that was a dream of mine. I was either going to be a rescue diver for the Coast Guard or a soldier. I passed the entry test for both branches, but you can't be a rescue diver or a pilot if you wear glasses. Ok, so soldier it is. Went down to Florida for the physical test and to be sworn in. I passed all the physical test, but one. There's a colorblind book you have to see the pictures in to pass. I was told to stop guessing after they'd went about ten pages into the book. I was turned away. God, to my frustration, had placed a hard “NO” to some of life’s paths I had wanted to take.

I was already saved about the time all this came about, so I wasn't completely ignorant to God and Jesus, just mostly. Coming home from Florida I was made surprisingly aware how much God had changed in my life with one adjustment, my eyes. Growing up I was aware my glasses were annoying, but it wasn't until that defeated drive home that I realized God was working out plans for me long before I was even born. In my ignorance I thought that God was being cruel. I had been born into a broken home, I was given broken sight, I was neither strong or highly intelligent, and so on. I won't give myself a pity party here. There are plenty who have been through far worse than me. But in my ignorance I thought God just didn't care or found my difficulties amusing for some drama I couldn't understand. I hadn't yet seen, pardon the pun, God’s work in my life for the good.

Perhaps years later, and then subtle reminders ever since, I am reminded that my situation is indeed God’s will. Yep, I'm back to that vague response. Problem is, it's the best response. In the book of John in the Bible, Jesus’ apostles asked him a similar question about a man that was born blind.

“And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” John 9: 1-3, (KJV)

Jesus replied to my question with the simple fact that the man was born blind because of God’s will. God’s will was to show his majesty and works to others through that man's blindness. Jesus healed the blind man, and through that interaction Jesus/God was able to show power, authority, love, grace, understanding, and I'm sure much more due to that man being born blind. Also, note the fact that this man's life became a Bible lesson for billions over thousands of years. That's a lot to be shown from one man’s blindness.

The blind man's life was completely altered due to his blindness. His life was again completely changed thanks to Jesus healing him. The bigger picture of the story though is that countless other lives were changed, probably for the good, through that man's God given circumstances. This is where I had to acknowledge a truth that can be difficult to accept. I am loved, but I may have to suffer so others can be healed. God loves us, desires good for us, but that doesn't seem to mean we get an easy life.

I don't know how my life would have turned out if I was born with 20/20 vision and could see colors whatever way they're supposed to look. I got no idea of that story. I do know that I am saved, that Jesus loves me. I'm a happily married man with 9 kids and 4 grandchildren. I'm not a rescue diver, yet there have been a handful of people that have told me how much my own life helped them with theirs. Who knows, maybe these journal entries will help others? I have to have faith and trust that God’s will is of love and good for me and for those around me.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)

God designs us with love, and with the desire for good for us. Perhaps something simple but life changing, like glasses, was something that helped bring me to Jesus later in my life. Maybe my parents having a child that needed glasses had some effect on their own lives. They did get saved later in their lives. I don’t know what could have been, but I know where I am now and what my life has been. I know that I must trust God’s plan with faith, hope, and the belief that he loves me. Jesus’ own life was not his own, but a life lived out of service and with a powerful plan. Thanks to Jesus giving his life up, and then defeating death, we get a lot more than just this one life. We get eternity.

A little less ignorant than I was on that drive home from Florida, I know God’s love is real. My life is full of God’s miracles, so that I would have to forcefully ignore them to think otherwise. My struggle with sight will not last eternity, but the effect my sight has had on me and therefore others around me could be eternal. We were placed where we were for a reason. We were given handicaps and gifts for a reason. Where anger could rule us over our circumstances, like being born in broken home, don’t let anger win. God loves you; he has a plan for you and for those around you. Eternity in a relationship with God our Father and Jesus our King/Brother/Friend is the end goal.

Trust that Jesus Loves You.