I’m lost on what to write about, so I’m going to just start with saying things have been kinda steady. Sometimes, life is just another day and maybe I’ve missed something, but not much has happened. I did join Krav Maga with my two boys, and I discovered, again, that I’m aging.

Anxiety, worry, fear, name it one or all of them. I have been facing this issue for some time now. Until recently maybe a few weeks, when I decided no more of this. I’m going to rely on and trust that Jesus loves me. Most of anxious issue comes from me not wanting to fail Jesus, my family, or those I’m trying to help. Do I still have these struggles, yes, for sure. The difference is how I deal with them. Mentally and emotionally, I hand them over to Jesus. Sometimes I have to do this several times a day. I keep refocusing on Jesus. The attacks on my faith and me in general will never truly stop until I’m in heaven. The good news, Jesus will never stop being there, now and in eternity, Jesus will be there.

The morning after hurricane Helene was surprising to me. Journal Entry 7: Thank You, But I'll Be Dying with My Pants On., went over the night Helene hit, and there was a lot going on that night. Still, when I woke up the next morning I didn’t expect to see the destruction. Even more surprising was the randomness of the destruction.

The day of hurricane Helene was kind of boring. I came home from a typical day on the job, and our family did our typical routines. There were some light winds, no rain, and by 8pm that night we sent our kids to bed without a clap of thunder. Rainy and I decided to chill with a movie. Halfway through ‘King Arthur,’ our power went out.

S-o-o-o I may have come to notice something within my prayer journal and these journal entries that I am going to admit with some reluctance; I can be whiny. Yes, I admit to myself and you, I seem to have a tendency to complain about things. I say this with a bit of a laugh at myself; because, I thought with some confidence, that I was not the type to complain and whine about things. Looking back on my writings and my own thoughts tells me otherwise.

I was writing in my prayer journal this weekend, and I was speechless. I’ve stated my desires in my journal, fought with my weaknesses with Jesus, prayed thanks for a great deal in my life, and I just didn’t know what to write. When this happens, I recommend you not close up and move on, but take a moment and let your heart and mind think on Jesus. For me, so far, taking a silent moment to focus on Jesus leads me back to pen and paper and a deeper focus on my desire, Jesus. Some minutes later, a smile came on my face with a thought of amusement, and I wrote, ‘I want to hear you (Jesus) laugh.’

Every man, every woman, has their rough day that we hope doesn’t roll into weeks. I’ve been rolling in the deep for a little bit now myself. Life is not something that is meant to be easy. I know this. For me and my strife it is a need to trust God on one side, a fear of failing my family on the other. The sad fact about it is I have no reason to doubt God. Yet, I am afraid that I will fail God. Failing God, I will fail my family and myself. This . . . fear, plagues me lately and I’m struggling to overcome it. Yet, sunlight pierces my deepness in such simple, complicated, blessings.

I just want a trail to follow. Jesus, please, show me your footprints, so I can know which directions to go, what turns to take, what dead ends to avoid. I’m pulling this kind of analogy from a book I turned to this morning on my Audible library. I love to have a book in my hands, but life and work make Audible a choice that allows me to research and enjoy SO many more books than I’d otherwise have time for. ‘Fathered by God’ is a book that grabbed my attention this morning; because, I have been struggling lately with what to do with my life. I have a question I’ve been asking Jesus for months now, maybe over a year, and this morning I was mentally spent on what to do and I needed Jesus to say something.

Remember Why:

I gave my life to Jesus something around 22 years ago, and I just had a speech by Inky Johnson on YouTube bring me to tears. The video was roughly half an hour long, but he said something that struck me, well he said a lot that struck me, but one that I’ll talk about here is ‘remember why.’ Remember why I went to Jesus to begin with. Funny thing is, though I think of that day once in a while, I hadn’t thought about why I went to him. I went to Jesus to be saved, yes, but what brought me to that point in the first place?

I went to Jesus because of what I was promised, love.