Journal Entry 30: Raising a newborn, Again!

Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.

Journal Entry 30: Raising a Newborn, Again!

I've been grounded by my own baby. First example of this is the fact that it has taken me almost 3 months to produce another article in my journal entries. Our newest child, Ember, mixed with our already large family, demands all of my wife's and my time and energy. And the little girl does not care that she does it, she even has begun to giggle about it. Babies . . . they are selfish without apology, and we love them anyways.

          In these last few months I’ve been able to build up some ideas on future journal entries. Several things can happen in 3 months within life and within our family. But I didn’t want to hop into those without first finding the time to put the biggest yet smallest change in our journey, and that’s Ember. God has blessed us with a tiny, cute, energy draining baby girl that will certainly leave her own growing footprint upon my future journal entries. I look forward to them, with Jesus’ help, and a lot of coffee.

          Ember is our 9th child. In these last three months raising a newborn, again, we’ve had some thoughts worth discussion. Rainy and I both agree that we don’t remember it being this hard. Part of me feels like we simply forget the struggle. Maybe a way to save some sanity, maybe. Yet we did discuss things and I think some are worth posting.

          NOTE 1: Does it seem more difficult this go around?

Simple answer is, yes. Yes it does feel more difficult, but why? Rainy and I talked about this on one of our many daily walks out in front of our home. Truth is, this time around, it is a little more difficult. At first I blamed my age, I’m 42, been a father raising kids for almost 2 decades. This, however, is not quit true. The real culprit this time, unlike the others, was a lack of free time.

The difference, that lack of free time, for us wasn’t immediately noticeable until we actually talked about it. Ember, mixed in now with six siblings ( the older two have moved out to start families of their own), left almost no time to pause for a break. Newborns are demanding. This is no secret, but they sleep, they have moments of calm, and Ember does these things. Yet, we have toddlers, a kindergartner, two middle schoolers, and the oldest in the house now working and trying on adult life for the first time with the rough edges that comes along with that climb. The short answer, something I am not known for, is that our time was maxed out.

The short answer was suddenly obvious to us. Once we got one group of children settled, another group/age would need something. Get Ember fed early morning, and then it was time for breakfast for the family. Feed the family, get Ember down for a morning nap, and then a toddler would need to be changed, Arena would need potty training, Rose would want playtime and attention (which all kids need), and so on. Lay down Syl for nap, Ember would wake up, homework time for Rain and Ryder. This was a loop of draining like we’d not experienced before. We, to our amazement, had maxed out our time.

Three months later, we’re finally starting to find a routine and get pieces of minutes back to breath.

NOTE 2: Ember has a favorite, and hint, it aint me.

Three months into parenting Ember, and she’s already chosen Rainy for her favorite. I have decided this with real evidence.

          Evidence 1: Crying babies don’t lie, they cry. - Ember will be fussy with no chance of me calming her. Mom comes up, talks to her, picks her up, and suddenly Ember the screaming baby is now Ember the smiling, giggly baby without a care in the world. Yep.

          Evidence 2: Careful, she spits. - Rainy can feed Ember, talk to her, carry her, and most of the time, no spit up of disgusting, smelly, fluids on her shoulder. Rainy handed Ember to me, calm, easy, we’re having some baby talk, Ember’s smiling, and then it happened. She burped and spat out a cup full of regurgitated formula all over me. This is only one example, and I could fill pages with many more.

          Evidence 3: (last one) Pooped On. - I have been shot by baby poop. In all my diaper changing years, and there’s been a lot of them, I have never been pooped on. Shot with pee, yes, maybe by each one, but never poop, until Ember. Changing a massive poopy diaper that you’d think meant she was empty, Ember shot poop at me like a pump actioned water gun. I’m not kidding, she shot poop out that struck my arm, my leg, and the dresser behind me. Worst part, I had to stand there, pooped on, so I could finish changing her first.

By evidence presented, I prove, Ember has a favorite and it aint me.

NOTE 3: Walk, talk, and hang in there.

We knew the first weeks would be the hardest on us. We weren’t wrong. I will tell anyone that the first five months are the most difficult, and I still believe it. The truth is, children are a blessing from God, but blessings from God aren’t always easy. Babies all the way up to grown adults, are still your children and your blessing from God. They will always need you; they’ll just need you in different ways.

For Rainy and I we go on walks out in front of our house, close by, but a few minutes to ourselves to talk, breath in God’s air and light, and get a short break. We owe a lot of our marital blessings to those walks with God and open conversation. We just went on one last night with our new stroller for Ember, so she could ride along with a nice net to protect her from this regions’ insane mosquito and nats. Hard times, sleepless nights, stress, will come, but hang in there and take a walk with God and your loved one. Don’t think that the hard time is permanent, it’s not, and this brings me to my last note.

NOTE 4: Jesus, thank you, for my heart if full of love.

          I wouldn’t change this life Jesus has blessed me with for all the freedom of a bachelor, for all the money of a billionaire, or all the power of a political giant. I am a beloved son of God, a beloved husband to an amazing wife, and a beloved dad to a small tribe, and I love this. Is this life easy, lol . . . no. Is this life meaningful, purpose filled, and blessed by God, yes! To those without children, you can only try to grasp at an understanding you can’t truly know. To those with children, I hope you see them for the blessings from God that they are.

Thank you, Jesus

Trust that Jesus Loves You.