Journal Entry 46: Rainy, I Love You
Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.
Journal Entry 46: Rainy, I Love You
If there’s a positive thing that can come out of a bad relationship it’s giving you a chance to appreciate a good one.
I’ve told Rainy several times in the last five years of our marriage that she is the woman I didn’t know to pray for. After a bad marriage that ended with me as a single father of five kids and no support from their mother, I went into what I call survival mode. There was no rebound chick, there was no concern for any woman, there was only survival. After years of survival, a Jesus rescue mission that brought me out of a sinking ship, and some growing up for me and my kids, I finally entertained the idea of dating again. Jesus had to rescue me again out of that fiasco.
Online dating was my first stumble into the dating life again. A bit weirded out by some things I found, intrigued by others, I ended up being something of a rare and interesting species amongst the online daters. I was a single father of five kids, blunt and truthful as I am, and that earned me A LOT of conversations but no real dates. Next came real life women, ladies I knew from friends or work, and that didn’t go much better. I found myself getting into trouble with a couple women, nothing of serious consequence but also no one I was serious about either. I was acting a fool in dating waters that were meant for a . . . different kind of man than me. Thankfully, before I screwed up things any further, seven years after my divorce, couple of those years of playing a fool of a bachelor, Jesus rescued me again.
Rainy struck a job at my place of employment, and I noticed her the first day she showed up. I can still remember the first time I saw her, but, admittedly, while I was admiring her beauty I was also telling myself she was off limits. To go ahead and chop this tree down, I’ll let you in on the biggest difference between me and Rainy, it’s 15 years. I didn’t know how many years younger than me she was at the time, but I knew she wasn’t my age. So, as she sat there at a table drawing a dragon with skills of a real artist creating something she loved, I said hi. She barely noticed me but did greet me with a smile and then returned to her dragon. I told her it should be a water dragon, she disagreed. Our first meeting was over, and I went back to work. I still think I was right about the dragon. It did look like it should be a water dragon.
Our next real meeting came when we got stuck in a room together doing a break to let teachers go to lunch. The kids were asleep, it was nap time, and we had little to do besides talk. I asked about her, curious, and then I got what would make a great Disney story. She still doesn’t know why she told me her life story that day. Rainy is smiles and social, but she doesn’t open up to people. That day she told me about her childhood in Guyana, South America, being adopted with her Sister and taken to the United States, growing up here, going to college in Florida on a track scholarship, and how she ended up in Georgia at my place of work with a baby girl of her own.
I was intimidated and impressed with a bit of shock. Leave me with nothing to do and someone to talk to and I’ll strike up a conversation for any reason, including to avoid boredom. I’ve heard some stories before. I had never, and still have never, heard a story like Rainy’s unless we’re counting something out of Hollywood. Rainy’s story was that of a wild child from a real jungle to an upper middle class teen of the United States with hundreds of metals to prove she could kick my ass. Her adult life, mixed in with a Florida experience you don’t get by visiting theme parks, was no less jaw dropping. Rainy wasn’t just on a different playing field than me, she was a pro where I was still trying to hit a ball off of a stick.
After Rainy had shocked and awed me with her story, we struck up a ‘work buddy’ kind of vibe. We’d see each other everyday at work, so it was easy to have a quick talk here and there. I was still in the dating world of horror, but my attention was being focused on this woman that I knew I couldn’t have. I even reminded myself, sometimes several times a week, that Rainy was off limits. Not that I thought I had a chance with her anyways, but to help a man’s ego, I told myself I wasn’t allowed to even try. But my goodness, Rainy came to work in leggings that showed off a track stars form, smiled and laughed like a princess who knew who she was, and she had a story like none other I knew. I liked this woman!
Time moved on, couldn’t tell you how much, but somewhere in the months, Rainy and I had become decent friends with real conversations, storytelling, and just talking about our lives. Apparently being a single father of five kids is a very good ice breaker. Then, in my office (a kitchen where I worked), one of our co-workers pushed me to admit I liked Rainy. I did and then quickly added that I couldn’t date her because she was too young. Rainy disagreed, and I was a focused man from that moment on.
Rainy would tell you that I found reasons to come see her in whatever classroom she was working. She’d tell you that I would make excuses to stay after I’d clocked out to spend a little more time with her; before I had to leave to pick my kids up from school. Rainy would say I flirted and surprised her with little gifts like drinks, food, candy, and letters on a weekly basis. She would be right. Rainy is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met for reasons that only continue to grow with each year of marriage. She wanted to be courted and I took that seriously. I still surprise her with loving text reminding her what she means to me, gifts of candy, favorite foods, and plants, lots of plants (Rainy has become a plant mother that may have our house producing a good percentage of the local oxygen.)
Then Covid hit. Our job dropped to what was a skeleton crew of maybe five people some days. Me being the cook, maintenance worker, I.T. guy, and everything else for our church daycare, I had work, thank you Jesus. Rainy, in a unique situation with a home for her and her daughter, Rose, had to go home to her parent’s house just to survive. Covid sent a lot of people backwards, deaths, job loss, and more was common for the world. I thought I’d lost Rainy, and that was that. I call Rainy my blessing for several reasons, and one of them is the fact that I feel like Jesus blessed me, my kids, with her. Covid didn’t kill our relationship, it strengthened it.
For six months all Rainy and I could do was talk, we did, every night. Our phones would have small essays worth of texting back and forth, and at night, every single night, we would talk for hours. I was currently building a new room onto the back of my house, what was supposed to have been a nice closed in porch, but quickly had to turn into a full room due to life. Every night she would call, and I would go out into my not yet built room, and we would talk. I think this saved us a great deal of strife and hardship in the long run, because we talked about anything and everything for months. I told her about my scars, about what it was to be in my life, and she told me about her scars and her expectations. We connected in a way that may have been missed out on, if we hadn’t been separated and forced to connect with only words.
When Covid finally began to calm down, Rainy came back down to live in a home for her and Rose and other single moms and came back to work. By then we were a couple, dating in a strange mix of phone calls, letters, and work. We talked about more, wanted more, and then that night came I’ll never forget. I had brought up some choices for us. I could help her get a place of her own, and we could continue to date and see where things go (admittedly, I was scared of marriage due to the complete fallout of my last one.) Yet, I wanted Rainy, so I did offer marriage, not thinking she’d jump at it. Rainy, being as blunt a jock princess as I am a blunt geek, told me “F!!k it,” sweet, but determined, laughter from her side of the phone, “Let’s get married.”
We’ve quoted that sweet proposal several times within the last five years of our marriage with a laugh. We got married maybe a week or two later in a backyard wedding blessed by Jesus and friends with Rainy in a beautiful dress, me in a horrible suite (hate the things), and blessings all around. Friends and some family were there, decorations were done up by my old boss who ran a staging/decorating business, and we were given to each other under God, the proper way. Thank you, Jesus, I did it right this time. I’ve been blessed with an amazing woman I get to call my wife and best friend with a hug and a kiss every day.
Five years later Rainy is my blessing from God, and the best mom our kids could have prayed for. I love you Rainy, and I thank Jesus for blessing me with such an amazing woman.
Trust that Jesus Loves You.