Journal Entry 47: Dreaming Big, good or a bad thing?

Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.

Journal Entry 47: Dreaming Big, good or a bad thing?

          I’ve never had trouble forming big dreams. My problem has been trying not to let my dreams overwhelm me or lead me off into pitfalls caused by that annoying thing called reality.

          Coming back to this a day later I almost dismissed this journal entry for being silly and unneeded. But I don’t think that’s the case, in my own life I know my wild dreams have played a role in my decision making and even the paths I’ve walked. This is what makes me go at this idea one more time.

          I don’t think dreaming is a bad thing. There are a lot of large dreams out there that people chase and obtain. Man kind probably wouldn’t be where we are today, if it wasn’t for those dreamers out there making things happen and chasing after what others thought to be fruitless. My problem is in the dreams I have that are so far out there they may be impossible. I remember quitting several jobs in my teen and early twenties, because, my dream was so much bigger. Even today, as a husband and father about to reach his 43rd birthday I’m still chasing dreams. Is this a good idea?

          When I was a child I dreamed of what most I think dream of, being a superhero. I also wanted to fly a fighter jet and hang out with 4 really cool ninja turtles. This kind of childlike dreaming is to me, healthy, fun, and at least one of those can be obtained. Unless you’re me, born legally blind and color blind, then you don’t get to be a fighter pilot. A sad bit of truth I learned later in my teen years; when, I tried out for the military. They really frowned on the idea of me not being able to see or even push the correctly colored button.

          A dream that did get me into some trouble, possibly a great deal of trouble if not for God’s grace, was one I still keep in the back of my head. The adventurer/wanderer that made his way across the land and sea to find and experience the world and its people. Online RPG’s (Role Playing Games) helped this itch for a while playing games like Ever Quest, World of Warcraft, and so on, but it never truly answered my dreams wish. So, like an ignorant 17yr. old I saved up cans of food, loaded my car up with some provisions (even a small sword that ended up being a great can opener), and took off into the night. Yep, I ran away, with maybe enough food to last a week, little money for gas, and thought myself an adventurer. The trip wasn’t all bad, but it was stupid of me to handle it the way I did.

          Adventures come with problems, right? Well, not ten miles out of my hometown, my car broke down. Cool part about this is, even though I wasn’t saved yet, I was hurting and sad and going through a mess, so I prayed to God to please, please, crank my car and let me get out of the chaos that was behind me. The car had refused all efforts to crank, but after that prayer, the car cranked right up and gave me no more problems for the rest of the trip. Goes to show God was watching over me long before I was saved by Jesus. Thanks, God.

          One month later, I returned from my trip. I’ll save the details for another journal entry, though, I think I’ve gone over it in an earlier journal entry. I lost my job. I made my dad, a man’s man of his time, cry, and in general made a mess of things. I don’t recommend repeating my foolishness. This dream of mine had finally been teased upon, but it didn’t last long, and I wasn’t about to pull a stunt like that again. There are better ways to go on adventures.

          The problem with this big dream of mine, and it is only one of them, is it isn’t possible. You see, my dream isn’t just vacationing in different spots around the world once or twice a year to get around. My dream is to step outside my front door like a video game character stepping outside his city gates. I want a backpack on my back, a sword at my side, shield too as they are really handy, and a group of friends to share the adventure with. It is a wild dream that can’t happen in that context, but it’s also a dream that I can’t see make happen even in a more realistic context. I left jobs to pursue this dream, gave up relationships for it, and each time it was a mistake.

          Another dream of mine is to create a leveling up system to help the homeless and those who just need an opportunity to get on some steady ground. Using a tall building with several floors, I want to help people get back their lives. First floor is for anyone off the street that needs to get out of the weather and find a place to rest. Second floor is those who are willing to take drug test and pass, so they can have a better space to move forward from. Third floor is for those who stay off of drugs for six months, and are willing to get a job and begin bettering their own situations. The “rent” for floors 1,2, and 3 would be free. Next is the fourth floor, one designed with actual apartment-like rooms for people to live in. Rent would be dirt cheap but would help get them used to paying bills, and be another step up. By the time they reached the last floor, maybe seven or ten, I don’t know, but the last set of floors would be real living situations with real bills that they would be able to stay until they can get their own place. This is a big dream.

          The thing about my dream of leveling up people to better their lives is it isn’t impossible. The idea is possible, but it would take millions to get up and running, volunteers to help people in multiple situations and difficulties, guards and such to help make sure things don’t get violent, and more. Would I be a fool to chase this dream, or am I supposed to see what God wants to do with me and this crazy dream that I think could help? I don’t know. There are other ideas along the lines of this one, a food truck that feeds people for free, a diner that sits people for free, even a tiny homes community that is cheap but allows struggling people a chance to get back up on their feet. Are these ideas crazy or are they things God is going to actually make happen with me? I don’t know.

          I guess the question is like the title states, are big dreams good or bad? I’ve looked into the cost and manpower to do some of these dreams, and they aren’t easy. They are impossible for me, but not for God. The problem is I don’t know if this is what God wants for me or if I’m letting big dreams drag me away from where I should be. The same thing can be said for this journaling, Rainy and I’s business, and other endeavors we’re chasing. Are we on the right track with God or are we going the wrong way and missing the fact that God is trying to turn us down another track? I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out in the long run, but I’m hoping God doesn’t let me waste anymore years chasing things he doesn’t want for me.

          After writing this journal entry, I am glad I did. Reading it, going over it, this is something people struggle with. Not everyone has the same dreams or the same struggles, but I think a lot of us face this uncertainty about what we should be chasing and where God wants us to be. That’s what this is about. Me trying to figure out where God wants me to go, and me hoping I don’t mess it up by going the wrong way.

Trust that Jesus Loves You.