Journal Entry 43: Pause, Thank You.
Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.
Journal Entry 43: Pause, Thank You.
On my way to work this morning I was listening to the book of Numbers in the Bible. The people were whining, over and over again, they just kept whining about one thing after another. These people had just witnessed the power of God in Egypt, was rescued from their slavery, and had God, GOD, in their presence speaking through Moses. Yet, they couldn’t stop whining. My thoughts clicked over, and I knew I’d been here before. I’d listened to this, and thought ‘how foolish are these people?’ I realized quickly that I was just like these people.
There I was, riding in my car, having déjà vu about my own life verses people that were around over 3,000 years ago. One of the stunning pieces to all this is that we haven’t changed much. I have been so focused on family, going after some financial freedoms, personal goals, business requirements, and so on, that I realized I’d been whining about life and desires for a while. What I have not been doing is thanking Jesus for what I do have, for being thankful for what I’ve already been given.
I told myself I needed to go down a list of thanks to Jesus for what I do have and what he’s done in my life. The act is simple enough, but doing it would help reset my thoughts towards Jesus and thankfulness instead of ‘give-me, give-me, give-me.’ When I opened my mouth to start, nothing happened. I clammed up. Surprised by this, I tried again. It was five in the morning, no coffee yet, so I figured my body wasn’t wanting to function just yet. I tried again, and again, I could not get my mouth to voice the words openly.
I began to say the words in my head, and even that was a struggle. Someone, my own sinful flesh, maybe an evil spirit, was fighting me on what was supposed to be a simple task. I managed to push the list onwards, quietly, into thankfulness for one thing after another, but it was a struggle. I decided I knew what I would write about for my next journal entry. Thankfulness, it’s something I need to do more of, and something I will list here in defiance to whatever is trying to stand in my way.
Thank you, Jesus, for saving my broken, sinful, self even though I have never deserved to be saved. When we say this, being saved by Jesus, I think there’s a great deal more that seems to be glossed over more often than not. Jesus didn’t just poof onto Earth, spend three years teaching, die on a cross, and then poof, he became our savior. Jesus/God, the creator of everything, became a mortal man that had to be taught how to walk, how to eat from a spoon, drink from a cup, even how to potty. Jesus dumbed himself down to mortal, human, level, and suffered thirst, felt hunger, got tired, and endured pain. When we thank Jesus for saving us, for becoming The Sacrifice for us, remember that grace we now get as a gift, cost Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus, for my family. The Bible tells us that each and every child is a blessing. I have 9 children, so, though I’m stressed and financially challenged, I am surrounded by blessings that make me laugh, bring me joy, and teach me a lot about love and sacrifice that I don’t think I would be able to learn without them. Rainy, my amazing wife, is another great blessing. I wasn’t aware women like her, humble but strong, smart with a girly/childish side, with a heart for Jesus, I didn’t know they existed still. It takes a strong woman to come into this family (a single dad with 5 kids at the time) and turn this survival caveman of a shelter into a loving home. Rainy, somehow, has turned us into a home, and that’s just another reason why I love her.
Thank you, Jesus, for our good health. I hadn’t realized how blessed we are in this area until life started changing around me or I finally noticed this side of life. My friends, in their 40s, most of them, are falling apart. I’m not joking. Several of my friends are suffering body aches and gone through multiple surgeries. Some are sickly, my brother is suffering liver troubles, my mother died of cancer, and the list can go on and on. All of our children are healthy, thank you, Jesus. We had a scare back when Raine, my 12yr. old was still in the belly. There was a chance she’d be a still born, but hundreds of prayers later, Raine came out healthy and ready for life.
Thank you, Jesus, for those basics I tend to take for granted or just forget about. I joke with my wife and kids around Christmas time. I tell them for gifts I’m going to tie bows around light switches, the water faucets, and on their doorknobs. They know by now it’s never going to happen, but I tell them this because I feel like they forget how blessed we are. I do too, as I admitted above. Thank you, Jesus, for a job and the income to pay the bills that keeps the lights on, the water flowing, food in the pantries, and a roof over our head. We have been through hard times; where the lights were cut off, water was turned off, and I had to get help from family to get these things turned back on. I, more than some, should know to be thankful for working utilities.
Thank you, Jesus, for two working vehicles. I have had blessings in vehicles, and I have had long struggles with vehicles almost at the same time. In my single dad years I had a van that seemed to run on prayer. The thing burned oil almost as fast as it did gas. Only one window, the driver side window, would roll down, and the a/c simply would not work. My dad was a master mechanic, decades in the field, and he helped keep that van running, but even he would agree with me that my van had to be running on prayer. From that van I went to a Honda car that held on for several years; before the transmission dumped out, got a truck that was awesome but died in less than a year. Sounds bad, but the truck did get me a second job running trash; which helped me pay off my wife’s SUV, but then the truck died due to electrical issues and a bad transmission. Now I’m in a somewhat new, tiny, red car that’s great on gas but I miss my truck. This has turned into a rant about vehicles.
Thank you, Jesus, for building in me a better man than I was. This may be hard for some people to say, because, God tends to use difficult times, struggles, to teach us and help us grow. Surviving single fatherhood; while, clinging to Jesus taught me a lot about relying on Jesus. God blessing me with kids, yet making me a parent responsible for those kids, has been a crazy journey of lessons learned and hardships survived. God builds resilience in us, because faith in our lives is a run of endurance not speed. We don’t usually grow during the calm and peaceful times. We get those, for rest, but they never last. Be thankful for those times God is having you drag through the hard paths, because, those paths are where he’s going to make you grow. It sucks, I know, but growth and discipline are taught by parents who love you. Jesus loves us, so he’s not going to sit back and leave us broken.
For this journal entry I felt I needed, for myself, to put out there my thankfulness. Something was fighting me, and I just felt like I had to be defiant, sit down, and type out my thankfulness. Hopefully this may help some speak their own thankfulness.
Trust that Jesus loves you.